Top Five Songs to Play for your Cat

 1. “Meow Machine” by Meowski666 

If there’s one thing that cats like more than pretending you and that stupid girl, Sarah, don’t exist, it’s running the trap harder than the average rave bro under fog machines full of catnip. This is the only song Meowski666 has ever produced because it was enough. He will never be able to supersede this marvel of musical perfection, a seamless blend between meowing and moombahton electronica. If your kitten does not start twerking immediately on the cat tree, than you know you actually have a dog in a cat suit.

2. “Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nugent 

The only thing that poses a greater risk of destroying your apartment than rock ‘n’ roll star Ted Nugent is your psychotic cat. You know which one I’m talking about. Your furry friend will connect to Nugent on a multitude of levels, ranging from similar hairstyles to uncontrollable amounts of energy and a general wish to dismantle the entire system of rules and regulations that you base your sad, 40-cat-person life around. Your feline will most definitely be infected with cat scratch fever.

3. “With Me” by Cashmere Cat 

After two tracks guaranteed to destroy your previously charming living space, your cat will be tired. This Cashmere Cat tune nestles chunky low tones with soothing piano melodies, providing a calming soundscape for your kitten to catch no less than 18 hours of sleep. Cashmere Cat blends electronica and downtempo elements so purrfectly that you shortly will find yourself joining your furball in a four-minute state of calm. What would your Friday night be without it?

4. “Cat Daddy” by Rej3ctz 

If you really want to get the fur flying, you and your kitten should down a few tall shots of whole milk and turn on this 2011 dance floor track. The dance may be relatively easy to master, as it’s essentially the “teach me how to dougie” dance, meaning you and your cat could be doing the “cat daddy” together in no time. This track is guaranteed to be supremely more entertaining than any overpriced feather on a string that your cat would stare at and ultimately ignore. Be warned, the dance may result in unforeseen ratchet behavior.

5. “Cat People” by David Bowie 

David Bowie is one of the few creatures on Earth stranger than domesticated cats and the people who obsess over them (though they are often the same). Every cat lover will relate to Bowie’s lyrics, “See these eyes so green/ I can stare for a thousand years,” to his own cat because that’s what crazed cat people do with their spare time. If you’ve followed this list and twerked and jammed with your cat, Bowie’s track is likely to be the least strange thing you’ve listened to with your cat in a good while.

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