Five Things I Dread Hearing from Fast Food Employees

Although spending your money at restaurants isn’t exactly the most financially responsible thing to do, we can ease our consciences by ordering from the cheaper section of the menu. At McDonald’s, instead of my usual double quarter pounder, I try to purchase two McDoubles from the Dollar Menu. But if they ask me if I’d like anything else with my order, I cave: “You’re right, mischievous cashier. I’ll take the McBiggestBurgerYouHave.”

Sometimes your stomach convinces you that you are incapable of doing anything until you get five orders of mozzarella sticks. Seems logical enough. And of course you’ll have to add an order of tater tots, a few ice cream sundaes and a couple of drinks to really top things off. After all, this snack is just what you need to get to work again. All is fine and well until the cashier brings you back to reality with your order’s total. Cashiers don’t play games.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like every time I try to order, the most obnoxious employee in the restaurant yells out an order number for someone waiting in the restaurant — as if the person was waiting on the other side of Conway. I understand that they have to shout to make sure their customers hear, but when the cashier shouts for order 371, I might as well pitch my tent and camp for a while because my order number is 399.

I consider myself a reasonable customer. When there’s a piece of lettuce in a quesadilla, I just pick it out and finish my meal, but when they put onions in a cheese roll up, I’m a little less forgiving. How do you mess up cheese and bread? The workers happily fix it, but I know that they’re secretly recording every detail about me — my height, my eye color and probably my social security number — to make sure I’m on the list of people to serve terribly the next time around.

Employees understand that I didn’t want to wait 45 minutes for an order of curly fries. But sometimes when I’m adventurous and order a few more items, I’m curious what they’re referring to with “Sorry about your wait.” Are they actually referring to the time I waited, or are they referring to my weight because I ordered so many items? The latter may seem unlikely, but the looks on some employees’ faces tell me that fries aren’t the only things that are salty at fast food restaurants.

All gifs are courtesy of giphy.com

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