Critics’ Choice Awards fail to dazzle

In honor of awards season, I suggest a few nominations for the 2015 Critics’ Choice Awards: Most Boring Award Show or Greatest Number of People Who Knew Better than to Attend.

The show aired Jan. 15, and I’d be surprised if half the viewers watched the whole event.

Several winners weren’t there to accept their awards, and many seemed like they would rather not be, especially Michael Keaton, who could’ve been accepting an award for Most Nonchalant Acceptance Speech.

Other than stargazing and finding out who critics think is best, there wasn’t much happening.

Oh, except the male strippers. In honor of host Michael Strahan’s upcoming role in “Magic Mike XXL,” a group of men strutted out on stage and ripped off their tuxes to dance in tiny shorts.

Sadly, this shiny, muscular walkway was the highlight of Strahan’s hosting.

He deserves some bonus points for breaking out his own moves, but I’d advise him to stick to football for now.

Other than the dancers, there was almost no entertainment between awards. Even the presenters didn’t have much dialogue when introducing categories.

They should’ve given out awards to the funkiest dressed celebrities instead. It would have been a tie between Jared Leto’s sparkly silver shoes and Ellar Coltrane’s blue velvet suit.

However, the presenters did point out the “selfie iPads” at each table and instruct the celebrities to post pictures to social media.

There were a few segments focusing on this alone, which made the actual show almost irrelevant. You can go online to see the pictures, moving video clips and the award winners.

Strahan attempted to showcase several best costume choices between presenters, but came off looking like he was late to a Halloween party in a cheap outfit ordered online.

The best costume nominees and winner weren’t presented anyway, just flashed on the screen before a commercial break.

There were some inspiring and enjoyable moments shining through the dull fog that shrouded the entertainment portion.

Acceptance speeches by Kevin Costner and Jessica Chastain were the most worthy parts of the entire show. Chastain won the first Critics Choice MVP Award and took the time to urge others to stand up for civil rights issues they believe in and to not be silent observers.

Costner won a Lifetime Achievement Award and accepted it with one of the most humble and personable speeches I’ve ever heard.

He gave credit to everyone but himself for his success and took the time to thank all the people doing grunt work on film sets. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone thank all the little people by job title.

The only thing I got out of the 2015 Critics’ Choice Awards was respect for the video editors who put together the best film compilations and a desire to see the movie “Birdman.”

That movie was nominated for several awards, and I’m still not sure what it’s about.

Otherwise, my time would’ve been better spent researching the nominees myself and waiting for the winners list.

If you missed it, just look up pictures of the outfits and find the speeches on YouTube and it’ll make no difference.

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