The Student Activities Board hosted the young, up-and-coming comedian Dan Cummins last Thursday evening in the Student Center Ballroom.
The student audience might have filled less than half the room, but, despite the empty seats, Cummins delivered his first few lines with comedic precision. He secured a captive audience members who graciously – and often uncontrollably – returned loud laughter to almost every joke he treated them to.
Cummins played to his crowd of college kids, opening with, “If you’re stressing out over school and your classes are just too much, I’ve got a remedy. Just have a little too much to drink one night and go online shopping.” In the coming days, one will be delighted with the bizarre things that show up in packages on the doorstep.
More than just a comedian, Cummins is a potential entrepreneur. Starting up where such ideas as a gas station/coffee shop left off, he suggested opening a strip club/day care (mothers could bring their kids to work), or a martial arts studio/roller-blade-and-necktie-emporium. Let’s face it, whoever’s visiting a roller blade and necktie specialty shop is tired of being beaten up.
Cummins delivery was laid-back; some of his jokes were told in such a subtle, matter-of-fact tone that it took audience members a minute to realize exactly how demented or perverted whatever he was saying actually was. “You’re never too young to have kids. The younger the parent, the better.”
One of his more popular jokes was the description of his foray into yet another business venture.
“I don’t just write jokes. You know what I’m best at? Greeting cards. I’m a really good greeting card writer. And I’m going to prove it with a little sample of my work I’m going to share for you: ‘As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. I’ve been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Father’s Day.'”
Another good joke was the story of his senior year in college. Cummins’ room was the victim of ant infestation – he loved it. He would lure the ants out with a little maple syrup left on the counter top. What they perceived as “a peace offering, was actually a death trap.” After hitting the ant troops with a napalm-like concoction of WD-40 and fire, he’d let one or two ants live in order to return to the queen and report, “He’s gone mad, my queen!”
Cummins also had a good time playing with audience. If a cell phone rang or a person had to bow out of the room for a moment, he gave them a heck-of-a-humorously hard time.
At the end of the event, all in the ballroom had laughed a lot. Audience members seemed to be happily entertained, though, perhaps, partially disturbed. Cummins imparted visitors to the Student Center with a uniquely absurd, insane sort of hilarity.
Cummins, whose gigs are mainly at colleges and clubs, has appeared on Craig Ferguson’s “The Late, Late Show,” was a final contestant in “Last Comic Standing: Season Six,” and had a half hour special called “Comedy Central Presents Dan Cummins,” which aired the special Sunday.