Faux News: Is Intercollege Couple “Cute”?

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About four months have passed since Brandon Willis and Rebecca Shaw made their relationship “Facebook official” — a decision still surrounded by a firestorm of controversy. You see, Willis is a senior at UCA and Shaw is a junior at Hendrix. Despite the unholy nature of this union, sources close to the couple admit the two actually look “kind of cute together.”

Madelyn Wilkes, Shaw’s closest friend, said that while UCA students should generally only “date their own kind,” she is supportive of her friend’s choice in men.

“The two are really good together,” Wilkes said. “Just last week, Rebecca got a really bad cold and Brandon just dropped what he was doing and went to get her favorite ice cream. He’s a really sweet guy. Sometimes I forget what a disgrace their relationship is to the entire city of Conway.”

The abhorrent couple has the gall to make a public appearance at a UCA tailgate party, yet still manages to look absolutely adorable together.

Willis and Shaw ruining a UCA tailgating party with a public display of intercollege affection.

The couple can be seen walking around UCA’s campus, laughing at each other’s jokes, eating lunch together and — if you can stomach it — holding hands.

As if lacking the common decency to censor their sinful relationship from their peers wasn’t bad enough, things have gotten “serious enough” that Willis and Shaw have met each other’s parents.

Robert and Julia Shaw of Little Rock met Willis for the first time just last month.

Robert Shaw said he and his wife consider themselves to be “more on the progressive side of things,” so they encouraged their daughter to continue down a path that will surely lead to a lifetime of regret.

Julia Shaw described Willis as a “very nice young man — despite his academic affiliations.” Both parents said they hope to see more of Willis over the next few months, even if it means defiling Thanksgiving dinner with his presence.

Jack and Marion Willis of Russellville are not so accepting of their son’s decision to date Shaw.

“Just look at her,” Marion Willis said. “What’s with all the Native American patterns on her shirt? Why the numerous headbands? Is that cigarette smoke I smell? Oh God, I’ve failed as a parent. What have I done to deserve this?”

Willis and Shaw claim that they are happy with their relationship and see it staying strong in the months to come, but experts aren’t so sure. Jackie Shores, resident relationship analyst at the UCA Counseling Center, said she isn’t optimistic.

“They truly are quite adorable together when you look at them — the way they support, care for and respect one another,” Shores said. “Even the way they look into each other’s eyes almost makes you wish for a relationship like that. But then you remember what an ungodly, heinous and offensive abomination the two of them have created and you have to pray for them. You pray very hard.”

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